2020 has been a challenging and eye-opening year for me. Not only because of COVID, but also due to internal problem within my family. I learnt a lot about myself and also my family members. Honestly, I believed that I have had a light depression, but maybe I am just exaggerating. Or maybe not. We’ll see.
Anyway, here’s for the better year in 2021. Cheers!
While waiting for the newest anthology, here are the pictures of my previous ones. I will have my third one sent to me shortly. When I look at these books, I remember again my target to write my own book. Hopefully I can finish the draft by mid of following year and have my goal achieved. Wish me luck!
This semester I got an assignment to teach Operational Research I (OR I). I only need to teach one class, but still, it’s quite challenging for me. You see, I am part of Logistic and Supply Chain Management (LSCM) laboratory, which means that my expertise/skill focus on logistic, operation management and supply chain management. Operational Research for sure is not my strength, hence I usually fell nervous if I am going to have a class the following day.
Well, last Monday I had my first OR I lecture (it is a team teaching class, so I split the teaching with another lecturer before and after the mid-exam). It was TERRIBLE. The chapter that I taught was quite difficult to understand, and I did not spend enough time to study. In the end, I tried my best to explain it to the students, but along the way, I can feel that they were confused but still not bother to ask any question.
Honestly I felt very bad. Not to mention that sometimes I tend to dramatize thing, so you can imagine how I felt for the rest of the day. I shared my feeling to my colleague who is also a new lecturer joining the department at the same time with me. Of course, being the nice person she is, she cheered me up and told me to take it easy. She then told me to move on, and to not think too much about it. Just focus on giving better lecture for the next meeting.
At first I thought it’s just a common advice that will be given by anyone, regardless. But after taking some time, I realized that it is a right thing to do, and somehow, it is inevitable, especially if you want to be a better lecturer (and also a better person, in a sense).
So I sucked my self-pity, put the previous class experience behind, and started studying the next chapter in OR I. I think I was quite lucky as well, because the next chapter was less difficult than the previous one, and I was more motivated to study as well. I prepared some exercises for the students to try implement the method, and also a mini quiz via Kahoot.
Last Friday I had the second class of OR I, and thank goodness, it went quite well! I engaged more with the students, and they were also more eager to ask question and try to solve the problem. I could happily say that I ended my class with a smile on my face 🙂
Lesson learnt: you might fall down once in a while, but that’s okay. Just take a deep breath, let it go, and move on with your next step. You will eventually be better and get to your goal if you keep moving. Remember, moving slow is still better than not moving.
It’s almost 4pm and the rain has been pouring for some time now. Not that I complain though. As I mentioned in previous post, I like rain because it makes me feel a bit romantic, and it also somehow creates a cozy feeling.
I am lying down next to my little boy, trying to read a romance novel but somehow lost interest after the first chapter. That’s a bit funny, remembering that I like the romantic feeling brought by rain. Strangely, I am craving for something more serious, maybe a mystery or detective-theme novel.
While I am thinking which title I should read, I am looking outside the window. The sky is dark. The raindrops heavily fall into the ground. The leaves are swaying around, pushed by the wind that is trying to find a way back to the sky.
And suddenly, I want to write a story. Not sure about the idea yet, but I just want to write. The situation somehow creates a mood to write a romantic, or a sad story. Depending on the mood that appears afterward.
As far as I remember, I’ve always been fascinated by rain. There is some romantic feeling embedded on it. At least, that what I always feel whenever it rains. Rain always makes me feel more romantic, and at some point, it makes me want to write a love story (even though I managed to only write two very short stories all this time, lol). Sometimes, I would imagine myself as a character in a romance story who was waiting for my lover in the middle of the rain.
But rain can also bring sadness depending on the situation. The dark sky and grey clouds that accompany the raindrops somehow contribute to this gloomy feeling inside. Although, of course, it all depends on the person himself/herself. If he/she is feeling good or at least does not feel down, then rain might be refreshing. But for those who are currently having their downs, rain could be somehow frustrating. Especially when he/she is sensitive enough about the changes in surrounding environment.
And this is exactly that I feel right now. I am feeling down… a bit sad because of some drama earlier this afternoon. It’s kind of funny that I was excited when the first raindrop fell down, but along the way, the feeling was becoming darker and gloomier. I know it’s temporary, and shortly I will be back to my normal term. But gosh… this is the time where I wish I can be alone in a secluded area and take some mental rest. I wish the rain would somehow wrap me up, and protect me from any external factor that can make feel even worse. If only it could work as a I wish… but of course, reality hits hard.
Good morning! It is a second day in December, which happens to be a Wednesday. I am still having a leftover excitement from yesterday, so I guess I’ll just continue writing here, even though the content might not too relevant or valuable for you guys *cough*
I woke up a bit late today because I could not sleep until 2AM this morning. I know it’s not a good thing for having lack of sleep. But sometimes your biology clock just work as it wants. Commonly, if I still wake up after 1AM in the morning, then most likely I will have a difficulty to get some sleep. This is a reminder though, to not doing it too often. I think once in a while it should be okay 🙂
I plan to do quite some tasks today, starting from finishing my paper (yes! I start writing paper even though it’s from my old theses, lol), until preparing my teaching material for tomorrow’s class. It’s been ten months since I took role as a lecturer, and even though it could be challenging sometimes, I must say I quite enjoy the process. Let’s hope the excitement and spirit will last until the end of the day *yasssss*
By the way, I have had a cup of coffee this morning, but I still feel a bit sleepy now. I guess this picture is somehow true:
As I am waiting for my next Zoom meeting, my mind starts wandering to many places.
I was wondering if I could steal some hours to enjoy some books, or maybe write some short stories that I have planned already some time ago. I was wondering if I could enjoy the rain (when it comes) while having a good cup of coffee and remembering good old days with my friends and family. I was wondering if I could just be in a remote area, distancing myself a bit from my work, and just enjoying what I like and being who I am.
I know, it might sound that I am running away from life. But, aren’t we all trying to do so once in a while?
Every person has his or her own life path, with its ups and downs. I believe most of the time he/she could cope with any problem coming to life, but at some point, he/she might be burnt out. And it’s completely normal. What he/she needs to do is to find a way to cool down, recharge the energy, and bounce back to life, ready to face another experience that is shoved to him/her. As long he/she knows the limit of having “recharging time”, there should not be any problem in having it.
So, take a break when you feel like you need one. Don’t push yourself or your loved ones too hard. Life is only once, so fill the most of it with happiness 🙂
I am changing my theme after a while! I think I can understand now when some people posting something like this in their blog. Though it seems random (well, it’s kind of random…), but depending on the situation, it might somehow cheer you up a little bit. In my case, it does indeed make me feel happy and smile 🙂
I think the feeling is similar to one owned by people who buy new clothes or bags when they are feeling a bit down. Everyone has his or her own way to cope with their feeling especially when they’re feeling down. Some people will choose to lock themselves in a room and read couple of books or binge-watching some TV series (including me!).
Some people will purchase some goods just because they want to, even tough it might not be that important for them later on. (Welp! I think I am part of this group to….)
Either way, as long as it can make them smile and feel happy a bit, I think there’s nothing wrong about it. Just be careful on your card limit (for shoppers) and your loved ones (for the readers). Remember that you will eventually be required to bounce back into your daily life, and hopefully, by the time you’re in, you’ve already felt better than before.
So… couple of months ago I said that I was working on my book and should have the final draft ready by early next year. Well… it seems that I have to delay my plan a bit because as per today, I only have an outline and have not started writing any chapter *cough*
BUT! At least I have an idea how I want to tell my story in this (supposed-to-be-my-first) book. I just need to be more discipline and focusing my energy in finishing the draft if I still want to achieve my target. Please, mock me every time you have a chance, so I will feel humiliated and then feel the urge to finish this task as soon as possible.
Well, in a brighter side, I managed to write my third anthology! Yaayyy!! *insert a picture of people dancing here*
I must say I am not fully satisfied with my writing in this piece, but nevertheless, I managed to finish it and get it published. Because it is currently being under production, I could not yet post a picture of the book here. I promise I will post it right after I receive it 🙂
This “achievement” makes me happy and in a way, motivates me to keep writing. It has been pretty hard for me to write nowadays, not only because of my poor time management, but also because of my mental condition. Needless to say, I should be able to overcome this and back to my usual self. But it needs time, and I just hope I am not wasting my time to feel sorry about myself and not doing anything significant to bounce back and standing firmly on my both feet. On this particular matter, please wish me luck and don’t mock me, as the impact will be completely the opposite the previous matter 😛
Anyway, off to go now. Will write one or two more posts today since somehow I am happy that it’s December 🙂