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In A Journey To Becoming A Mom (1)

Having realized that I am now entering my fifth month of pregnancy, I regret a little bit for not writing anything in my first trimester. This overall pregnancy experience has been so far exciting yet also nerve-racking, since it is my first baby and well, I am not that young anymore. I know that it is not uncommon for women who are in their 30s to have a baby, but still they have more risk compared to those who are still in their 20s.

The fact that I am 33 years old and expecting to deliver my baby when I am almost 34 makes me thinking hard. I have mixed feelings about my situation. It is somehow unavoidable for me to worrying about the pregnancy itself and also the delivery process later on. I have never been a person with a very fit condition, considering I lack exercise and also rarely eat any fruit or veggies. I’m trying to change during my pregnancy by eating more veggies everyday (we book daily catering for breakfast), but I think I can still eat more fruits to boost my stamina. In addition, I try to drink more water. I must say I have some bad habits that can affect my and my baby’s health *sob*. It’s a homework for me to continue pushing myself in making myself better for my baby.

While I am genuinely happy with my pregnancy, I must admit sometimes I think about my life before today. Being a normal person as I am, I can’t help myself thinking about how my current limitation to travel like I used to be with my big belly. I get tired easily, and become quite moody once in a while. Unintentionally I will be a bit jealous when I see some Facebook pages of my friends that show their last vacation trips somewhere.

When that happens, I usually reflect on myself and revisit again all my thinkings. Yes, maybe it will be more difficult to me to do what I want to do now compared to when I was still single. But now I am having one of the greatest time of my life. Becoming a mom is one of my life plan’s goals, and I am on journey to get there. On top of that, it’s not like I cannot do anything at all when I have children later. I just need to adjust my expectation and my plan, then it should be manageable.

There are still months before my due date, and I think I will be learning more during the pregnancy and after having my baby. It will be a long, challenging yet amazing journey ahead, and I am excited embracing it in my life. Please pray the best for me and my little one ❤️

(Picture from Goole image: https://goo.gl/images/oqeEis)

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Happy Belated Birthday Kya!

Happy belated birthday my dear Kya! Wishing you health, success and happiness in life! Love you lots little sis ❤️❤️

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Hello October!

Time passed so fast this year (at least for me). I have mixed feelings about it. Somehow I feel “trapped” in my current job situation, though I have interest on the scope of work that I’ve been doing. In another side, I am excited to soon having a baby (yass, I am four months pregnant now 😻), though I am also nervous on the whole process and also the delivery process which will take place later. I still yet to decide what I want to do next with my career, but being a mom for sure is one life goal that I have been waiting for a while now.

So with that excitement, I welcome you October! 😻

PS. Also at least I can feel like starting over in blogging… 🤭

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I Am Still Alive!

These past couple of months have been quite tough for me. In a short: my life plan was pretty ruined. Okay, maybe “ruined” is a strong word… let’s just say it didn’t go as planned. If you recall my last entry on April (or June?), I mentioned about my plan on looking for new opportunity outside my company, to have a new start and focusing on what becomes my passion. In reality, I could not get that other opportunity outside the company, instead, I got somehow-an-opportunity still inside my company.

I have mixed feeling about my new role in Ag department. In one side, I am pretty excited since it is related to people, social matters and sustainability which I fond of. In other side, I have been having hard time with my supervisor and I don’t like the current management style.

After thinking for some time, I decided to give this role a try considering my interest and passion. In addition, I have good team mates which I could rely on and ask support from. It has been tough and I have been overwhelmed, but I tried my best to catch up lot of things at once. I get tired easily since I am pregnant (this will be another story), and the change of moods also doesn’t help with the overall situation. Even worse, my supervisor which I have been worrying about really shows his true color and slowly brings the team’s motivation down. There were points where I am not sure if I want to continue this job with this current situation.

I am really considering on what I should do next, as the realization of becoming a mom is sinking deeper and deeper in my brain. I know I can’t keep being stressed out and pressured in the office every single day if I want to be happy, if I want my family to be happy. I just hope I can get the answer fast for the sake of my family and me. Wish me luck.

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What? Two Months Hiatus Already?

Honestly I was forgetting this blog for a while for a reason which I am trying to understand. Commonly I will remember to make an entry in beginning of June since it is my favorite month (I was born in June, of course…). However I completely forgot (or was too lazy?) to write down anything, including short stories which I planned to create regularly. I think I am currently in a “confused” state, even though I am not too sure what I am confused about.

I suspect this is somehow related to the fact that I just moved to different department in May. As mentioned in my previous post, I was not happy with my last job even though I got a promotion along with the position and responsibility. People could say that I was stupid and did not take the opportunity well, but I guess if someone has already not been happy with his or her current situation regardless the reason, it will be difficult to convince the person to believe that she or he needs to work on that and eventually she or he will be happy in the end of the road. Nope. It does not simply work like that.

Anyway, long story short, my former boss realized I was not happy since I was completely demotivated. Bad performance score. Another opportunity emerged for me to stay in the company in different function – in fact, it was my favorite function before. His comment which I clearly remember was, “This is your last chance. Make it or leave it.” Quite a statement for any employee who needs a job to pay his or her bills regularly, not to mention any active installment.

But here’s the thing: I was not afraid to leave the company back then. In fact, I was actively looking for a job and almost landed an interview with a good company (somehow they did not call me back, sigh), so my boss’ statement back then did not make me afraid. Sure, I still need the job because I haven’t got a new job yet, but I was at the point where I did not care if I was jobless for a while. Nevertheless, I think in the back of my head, I was genuinely concerned, though in the same time I was pissed off on the overall situation. That situation made me feel uncertain and unmotivated, and in the end becoming lazy to pursue my passion and my goal.

Two months waste of time. I wish I can turn back the time, but I cannot.

I need to be more stable and revisit my life plan. I guess this happens because no proper monitoring on my life plan in monthly basis. It is a hard learning, and I hope it will not be repeated in the future 😦

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In a rush but not being reckless

This is the first time I am trying to response to Daily Prompt, so let’s see how it goes. I got “Rush” which I think still related to my situation right now.

In my previous post about life plan, I mentioned about some milestones that I want to achieve in my life, and how accomplishing things in 2018 will be critical for my goal. I have made a plan in December and early January on things that I want to do or achieve this year though I do not specify the timeline. On the paper, the plan looks pretty solid and reasonable, and I could not wait to have it happens.

Well, sometimes plan just does not align with reality (yet!). It’s April already and I haven’t got the opportunity to achieve my biggest milestone. I was projecting myself to reach that point before Q2 2018, but looking at the situation now, it might not happened. I am still putting my efforts to get closer to the milestone, but honestly speaking, I feel a bit pesimistis about it.

This whole situation makes me a bit panic. I believe this year should be the turning point year for me, but being stuck in current position doesn’t help me to step further. I couldn’t help thinking if I should take some radical move to approach my goal, but I am not sure if that will be the right thing to do. Some friends have advised me that that radical step that I was thinking about is quite reckless, and will have a big risk of me not achieving my objectives anytime soon.

Though I am not satisfied enough with current situation and also feedback from my friends, I admit I need to be more patient and cool-headed. I know I feel the rush since I have put 2018 as the “big milestone year”, but then again, I need to be ready if maybe I need to delay my plan a big (still hoping I won’t need to do that though!). I think it is the importance of not being reckless (as my friends said), since the decision I take will impact my life heavily, and I need to be ready with all the consequences.

Now I will try my best to find a way to get closer to my goal, and maybe prepare backup plan should my original plan not achieved as I expected (still hoping for the best!). Wish me luck 🙂