I Am Still Alive!

These past couple of months have been quite tough for me. In a short: my life plan was pretty ruined. Okay, maybe “ruined” is a strong word… let’s just say it didn’t go as planned. If you recall my last entry on April (or June?), I mentioned about my plan on looking for new opportunity outside my company, to have a new start and focusing on what becomes my passion. In reality, I could not get that other opportunity outside the company, instead, I got somehow-an-opportunity still inside my company.

I have mixed feeling about my new role in Ag department. In one side, I am pretty excited since it is related to people, social matters and sustainability which I fond of. In other side, I have been having hard time with my supervisor and I don’t like the current management style.

After thinking for some time, I decided to give this role a try considering my interest and passion. In addition, I have good team mates which I could rely on and ask support from. It has been tough and I have been overwhelmed, but I tried my best to catch up lot of things at once. I get tired easily since I am pregnant (this will be another story), and the change of moods also doesn’t help with the overall situation. Even worse, my supervisor which I have been worrying about really shows his true color and slowly brings the team’s motivation down. There were points where I am not sure if I want to continue this job with this current situation.

I am really considering on what I should do next, as the realization of becoming a mom is sinking deeper and deeper in my brain. I know I can’t keep being stressed out and pressured in the office every single day if I want to be happy, if I want my family to be happy. I just hope I can get the answer fast for the sake of my family and me. Wish me luck.


What? Two Months Hiatus Already?

Honestly I was forgetting this blog for a while for a reason which I am trying to understand. Commonly I will remember to make an entry in beginning of June since it is my favorite month (I was born in June, of course…). However I completely forgot (or was too lazy?) to write down anything, including short stories which I planned to create regularly. I think I am currently in a “confused” state, even though I am not too sure what I am confused about.

I suspect this is somehow related to the fact that I just moved to different department in May. As mentioned in my previous post, I was not happy with my last job even though I got a promotion along with the position and responsibility. People could say that I was stupid and did not take the opportunity well, but I guess if someone has already not been happy with his or her current situation regardless the reason, it will be difficult to convince the person to believe that she or he needs to work on that and eventually she or he will be happy in the end of the road. Nope. It does not simply work like that.

Anyway, long story short, my former boss realized I was not happy since I was completely demotivated. Bad performance score. Another opportunity emerged for me to stay in the company in different function – in fact, it was my favorite function before. His comment which I clearly remember was, “This is your last chance. Make it or leave it.” Quite a statement for any employee who needs a job to pay his or her bills regularly, not to mention any active installment.

But here’s the thing: I was not afraid to leave the company back then. In fact, I was actively looking for a job and almost landed an interview with a good company (somehow they did not call me back, sigh), so my boss’ statement back then did not make me afraid. Sure, I still need the job because I haven’t got a new job yet, but I was at the point where I did not care if I was jobless for a while. Nevertheless, I think in the back of my head, I was genuinely concerned, though in the same time I was pissed off on the overall situation. That situation made me feel uncertain and unmotivated, and in the end becoming lazy to pursue my passion and my goal.

Two months waste of time. I wish I can turn back the time, but I cannot.

I need to be more stable and revisit my life plan. I guess this happens because no proper monitoring on my life plan in monthly basis. It is a hard learning, and I hope it will not be repeated in the future 😦


In a rush but not being reckless

This is the first time I am trying to response to Daily Prompt, so let’s see how it goes. I got “Rush” which I think still related to my situation right now.

In my previous post about life plan, I mentioned about some milestones that I want to achieve in my life, and how accomplishing things in 2018 will be critical for my goal. I have made a plan in December and early January on things that I want to do or achieve this year though I do not specify the timeline. On the paper, the plan looks pretty solid and reasonable, and I could not wait to have it happens.

Well, sometimes plan just does not align with reality (yet!). It’s April already and I haven’t got the opportunity to achieve my biggest milestone. I was projecting myself to reach that point before Q2 2018, but looking at the situation now, it might not happened. I am still putting my efforts to get closer to the milestone, but honestly speaking, I feel a bit pesimistis about it.

This whole situation makes me a bit panic. I believe this year should be the turning point year for me, but being stuck in current position doesn’t help me to step further. I couldn’t help thinking if I should take some radical move to approach my goal, but I am not sure if that will be the right thing to do. Some friends have advised me that that radical step that I was thinking about is quite reckless, and will have a big risk of me not achieving my objectives anytime soon.

Though I am not satisfied enough with current situation and also feedback from my friends, I admit I need to be more patient and cool-headed. I know I feel the rush since I have put 2018 as the “big milestone year”, but then again, I need to be ready if maybe I need to delay my plan a big (still hoping I won’t need to do that though!). I think it is the importance of not being reckless (as my friends said), since the decision I take will impact my life heavily, and I need to be ready with all the consequences.

Now I will try my best to find a way to get closer to my goal, and maybe prepare backup plan should my original plan not achieved as I expected (still hoping for the best!). Wish me luck πŸ™‚


Weekly Photo Challenge: Smile

For this week’s challenge, point your camera at something or someone that puts a smile on our face (or just show a smiling face).

Well, it is quite tricky for me because there are lots of thing make me smile. Picture of my family, my sisters, my nephews, my friends usually make me happy (and also miss that moment, hehe) and eventually put a smile in my face. Beautiful nature and books also play the trick πŸ˜‰ Since I could put dozens of picture, I will just limit my post to some pictures which represent people or things that make me smile (though I still have so much more to post, lol).


Weekly Photo Challenge: Rise/Set

Another late post of Weekly Photo Challenge (oops!), this time with the theme of “Rise/Set”. I know I should revisit my time management especially if I want to be more consistent in managing my blog, so I will work on it πŸ’ͺ🏻

Anyway, for this photo challenge, the direction is to “explore the vibrant, hopeful colors of your favorite sunrise or sunset.”

I must say the sunset in Oia, Santorini, Greece, is still my most favorite sunset experience. There is something romantic about seeing sunset in the middle of the sea, surrounded by beautiful houses and blue sky. I hope I can come back there one day with Rendy (my hubby). Second sunset/sunrise I love is the one in Lausanne, Switzerland. I think I just have special place in my heart for this city, considering I lived there for a year. I plan to go there again with my parents in the next two years after I have a baby (hopefully sometime next year, Amen!) ☺️


Hello April!

And suddenly it is already April! Time flies too fast this year (or every year, I guess). I remember thinking the same thing at the similar time last year, but maybe back then my mind was consumed with wedding preparation. This time, I am consumed with hopes and worries. I am hoping my plan will go as expected, but in other side I feel insecure, thinking that I might not be able to achieve what I want. I haven’t prepared a plan B for that scenario, and now I am nervous. That will be my next homework to make sure I know the path I need to take moving forward.

In other side, I am slowly chasing my passion to be a writer. I try to write at least few sentences every day, to keep the momentum and the desire inside. I love writing a short story, but I am now challenging myself to write a novelette (lighter version of novel, around 7,500 words). I know it is a long way to go, and my age might not support this late “realization of dream” (33 this year, haha!), but I will still do it anyway. I think I would feel more regret later if I do not try it now, regardless if it will not turn out as I want (though of course I hope I will reach my dream to be a writer and have my own books, lol).

So, welcome April! Another month in which I will fight harder and better to follow my passion and my dreams. Ganbatte Kudasai! πŸ™‚

PS. This post made just 10 minutes after I woke up this morning. Sorry for the short and “lazy” post, but I just want to write something to wake me up, hahaha πŸ˜›

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