I swear, this year has passed too fast (and too overwhelming) for me. I started my new job as a lecturer in the beginning of the year, and since has been adjusting myself to the new role and responsibility. The corona pandemic broke out, made people suffer and force the others to stay at home. My father-in-law passed away suddenly in the beginning of June, leaving us with some regrets for not spending time enough with him before he left. My husband has been experiencing hemorrhoid for the last couple of weeks and could not support me on house work and taking care of our little kid. My helper at home has been away for family reasons, and is now isolating herself before coming back to our house.
It is just too much to handle at once. I can feel how unstable my mind and feeling lately due to all these situations. I am easily demotivated, feeling down and sad. I broke into tears several times already, all by myself because I am not sure my husband can help me.
Am I depressed? Or just being fully overwhelmed with all incidents that happened one after another? I am not sure, but I do hope that I only experience the latter.
I know I need to talk to someone, and that’s why I have been talking to my sister. Unfortunately, she is in Madrid, so the time difference makes it difficult for me to call her during the day. As a result, we exchange messages through Whatsapp, and I think that is quite sufficient, at least until now.
I am tired. Sometimes I wish I can just isolate myself somewhere quiet and not involved with anything at least for couple of hours. I have been a terrible mother, because I could not fully give my attention to my little boy (writing this makes me want to cry again).
Again, I know I might be too overreacting. Maybe I just need a short break and everything will be back to normal again. I really hope so. I know it all comes back to me, because no one can help me beside myself. I just need to find that push and encouragement inside myself. Hopefully everything will start going back to normal. Insya Allah….
Babbling place for Niken 
Semangat, mbe!
You know, I read somewhere that people who are easily crying (or get into tears) are less prone to depression. Well, there’s no guarantee, but at least while you can still pour your heart out, I believe things are going to be okay. *hugs*
NEVER, ever think you are a terrible mother, okay. Not perfect, maybe, but never terrible.