2024 So Far…

Well, it has been a while since I wrote anything here. Last year was quite a roller coaster for me since I have started my Ph.D. program in August. Between classes, reading papers and some department’s activities, I think I did quite okay last year, even though I am still at the very beginning of my Ph.D. journey.

The first semester of my doctoral program went pretty well. Alhamdulillah, I got a good grade, and I am really grateful for it. I am still struggling in finding the research gap, something that I think most doctoral candidates having issue with. Hopefully in the next couple of months I can identify the gap and have a clear direction on what I want to contribute. Finding the novelty of the contribution is another thing, but I will talk about it in a separate post (since it has been giving me headache, lol).

In another discussion, I realized that it is not easy to be a “good” person. What is a “good” person anyway? I always think being a “good” person means we have to be kind, always have positive thinking, have no ill feeling, etc. However, in reality, it is really not easy to be someone like that. For instance, today I overheard that one of my colleagues plans to pursue a doctoral degree in US. She was asking questions to my other colleagues who just came back from her study in Texas. When I was listening to the conversation, I couldn’t help but feel a bit…strange. In one side, I think it is okay if she wants to focus on her study plan since it is something that we, as lecturers, have to plan and manage anyway. But in another hand, I feel a bit…upset. Now, of course there is a reason why I feel that way. This colleague has caused us some problems in the past because she did not do her job properly, and as per my observation, she preferred to focus on other trivia stuffs rather than doing her job. Hearing her saying that she wants to study in small city so she could not play around and focus on her study…I found it hard to believe when she has constantly shown that she chose to play around rather than finishing her responsibility. Clearly, I feel skeptical listening to her conversation. In addition, I was surprised (in a bad way) that she managed to get a 7 score for IELTS after taking three tests.

Then I realized, why the heck I am so bitter about this thing? Why am I so bitter about her? She has her own life, nothing to do with me. Why I am so consumed with this unnecessary ill thinking about her, when in reality it does not give anything valuable to me and my life? I guess this is something that I still need to work on: to not give a darn care about others and focus to myself! If I use my time more wisely and invest my focus solely in improving myself and planning on how to achieve my objectives, I think I will get even more results on my goals.

So, there you are. Another lesson learnt in the beginning of 2024. I guess I still have to learn so much more about myself and about people. I still want to be a “good” people, but I don’t want to be a
saint”. Simply because I cannot be one. Let’s work to be a better version of myself, shall we?

Review: Ambulance (2023)

Movie Title: Ambulance

Year: 2022

Director: Michael Bay

Writers: Chris Fedak, Laurits Munch-Petersen, Lars Andreas Pedersen

Stars: Jake Gyllenhaal, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Eiza González

Will Sharp (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II) was a former marine who desperately needed money for his wife’s experimental cancer surgery. He reached out to his criminal brother, Danny Sharp (Jake Gyllenhaal), to get some help, but instead he was offered to be part of a $32 million bank robbery. Even though initially he was hesitant, Will eventually took part on the job, particularly after Danny reminded him that he was doing it for his wife, Amy.

The robbery continued smoothly until a police officer, Zach Parker, discovered the situation and was held hostage by Danny. Then, things got chaotic once the Special Investigation Section (SIS) of the LAPD arrived and started to launch an attack on the heist crew. All crew were killed or arrested, except Will dan Danny who managed to run towards the bank’s garage together with Zach. While both brothers were debating on what to do next, Zach attempted to escape, but then was accidentally shot by Will. The brothers tried to leave the building but apparently it had been surrounding by the police. They then hijacked an ambulance with paramedic Cam Thompson (Eiza González) on board. Thus, the insane escape of Sharp brothers together with Cam were started. Would they make it? And what would happen to Zach?

I watched this movie just last night together with my hubby. It’s been a while since we watch any movie together, and he let me to choose the title. Since I like to watch action movies (because I do not need to think too hard, lol), I decided to select “Ambulance”. The premise looked promising, and I expected a lot from the movie.

Well… I must say I was quite disappointed. There were some things that I found quite annoying and affect the quality of the movie.

The poor cinematography is the first thing that disturbs me immediately at the beginning of the movie. Particularly the scene from above the city, where the camera goes up and down, left and right like crazy. The transition between one scene and another also felt disconnected, and somehow looks quite amateur. I really hate when the screen shows upside-down building, before rotating and then presents the proper image. I mean, can’t you just do it right since the beginning? I don’t think people will appreciate this attraction when they are trying to enjoy the movie.

Another thing that also annoys me is the characters. Most of the characters are so bland, except maybe for Danny (Jake Gyllenhaal). But even Gyllenhaal does not leave any remarkable scene in the movie. Yahya Abdul-Mateen II is quite weak as Will, a former marine who, in my opinion, should have a strong character (which is quite ironic because in the movie, Will always addressed as the “weak” one). Eiza González tries to present Cam as a tough and brave paramedic who eagerly search for a solution to get out from the shitty situation. Again, too weak, though maybe there are few scenes where she looked believable, arguably. The cops are all forgettable, and the FBI guy looks like he plays in the soap opera with his gay husband. I don’t even know why we keep Zach awake on this movie.

And the plot… I am honestly speechless to see Cam and Will perform a surgery to take out a bullet from Zach’s liver with guidance from some surgeons via internet. Is that even possible? Did the script writer really do some research before they write this awful story? What makes me more upset is the fact that Cam USE HER HAIR CLIP TO STOP THE BLEEDING OF THE LIVER. OH, AND DID I MENTION THAT THE SURGERY IS SUCCESSFULL AND ZACH IS ALIVE? Despite the facts that lots of surgery procedures being violated, no anesthesia and lack of hygiene (A HAIR CLIP, for god’s sake! Did you wash your hair that morning, lady?).

Overall, I can say it is a quite bad movie. Well, good idea, but really bad executed. The plot is bad, the characters are not believable, and the cinematography is awful. You can consider watching it if you really bored, or if you want to increase your blood pressure.

My rating: ** out of *****

And suddenly, it’s Ramadhan 2023 again.

First of all, I would like to say HAPPY FASTING for everyone who is doing it in this holy month. I think it is only normal for every Muslim in the world to be excited in having Ramadhan. Yes, it is a challenging month, but I am sure we will always get something valuable during and after the Ramadhan. That includes me, who, honestly speaking, still have a lot to improve from religious side. I just hope in this Ramadhan, I can do better and be a better person afterward.

Anyway, someone I admire said that her plan during Ramadhan is to improve her writing and write more topics that she usually avoids. That inspires me to start writing again, because well, it’s been a while since I am seriously writing anything. This blog becomes evidence that I have been VERY LAZY in writing anything. But then again, writing is never easy. At least for me. Getting a right idea, translate it into a structured points and then writing them down are quite a complex process. But I really want to do it right this time. Hope I can do it well this year.

Happy Ramadhan and see you soon in another post!

Being Marginalized

This morning I participated in a meeting that discussed a financial report of a specific program in our function. This program started a few months ago and must be finalized by this month. All budget is expected to be sufficiently absorbed based on the original proposal. Apparently, for one activity, we still have a remaining budget to spend due to the actual implementation of the plan. Hence, we were exploring some opportunities to release the money when one of my colleagues suggested spending the budget on a professional engineer certification. To get the certificate, people first need to take the bridging program and then prepare some documents before registering for the certification. Luckily, I finished the program with some of my colleagues last year, so I am also feasible to get the certificate. However, when the discussion continued, and my colleague recommended I also get the certification, what happened?

The management did not respond to my name. Even when my colleague mentioned me for the second time, they were silent. Then, they suddenly said they needed to check all potential feasible people to apply for the certification. All that while I was there, sitting not far from them and watching all the commotion they made. Completely a joke, but not the funny one.

People might think I am exaggerating, but it validated what I have been feeling so far: that I am being marginalized in the office. Though not surprising, I am upset with this status quo situation. I guess I have to (continuously) survive in this crazy situation. Lucky me!

Choice vs Regret

This morning I received news that a dear friend of mine will be leaving for Turkey next year. She was my colleague when I worked for my previous company and helped me a lot during my first years working. It will be a one-year assignment, similar to what I had back then. It is excellent news because I understand very well the benefit that she will get, and I am very happy for her. We planned to meet this Saturday so she could tell me all the stories while remembering the good old times together.

But then, at the back of my head, suddenly, these questions appear.

Will I get the same opportunity if I still work there?

Should I have stayed so I could explore this kind of opportunity?

Should I have tried harder and stayed instead of leaving the company?

These questions sometimes pop up when I heard news about my former colleagues. Indeed, I am not satisfied yet with my current situation, but I do not hate it, per to say. On the contrary, I recognize that my current situation is not easy, and I need to adapt well to survive.

Am I jealous of my former colleagues? Maybe a little bit.

Am I happy for them? Absolutely. They all deserve the good news.

Did I regret my decision?

Well, maybe a bit? I regret that I did not have proper planning and preparation before my decision, so I struggled quite a lot in the beginning. However, the situation is getting better now, and that’s a good thing.

I once wrote a post about making a choice.

https://nikencorner.wordpress.com/2015/06/01/your-choice-your-decision/?preview=true

As of today, I still think that there is no wrong or right decision in life. For any choice, we must be ready for the consequences and adjust ourselves to face reality. Whether the output is bad or good is the impact of our selection. Therefore, it is essential to take our time to think, consider and analyze before we finally decide.

So, this post reminds ME to calm down and relax.

Your friends deserve all the good news, and so do you.

You did well and will continue to do so. You are great!

For anyone who sometimes questions their decision, don’t worry! That’s the best decision you could take, and you can surely live through it.

Yes, we can do it!

Talking About Office Politics

Honestly, I am not an expert in this subject, but I really want to address this issue, though only briefly. I have been working for thirteen years now. I spent two years working in a national factory, nine years working in a multinational company and the last two years in educational institution.

I can clearly state one fact from my experience so far:

OFFICE POLITICS IS INEVITABLE

Either you like it or not, office politics (unfortunately) will always be there. So, it will all back to us on how we react and adjust ourselves to it. I personally HATE office politics, but I realize that I need to face it, despite my personal opinion.

To be fair, I don’t think office politics is always bad. I think in certain circumstances, it might be helpful and bring a required advantage for some people. However, I can only agree on it if it is performed with some ETHICAL CONSIDERATION. There should be a clear logic and ethics that should be taken into perspective whenever someone or certain group doing this politic thing.

When you are in the position of a LEADER or MANAGER, playing this card will be more dangerous. It is dangerous because when you do it incorrectly, you will cause harm to some people. You can be sure that these people will no longer LOYAL to you, and they might find a way to get back to you (though of course I would not like that kind of thing to happen). But then again, really, the fact that it is just a NORMAL thing to be kind to others should be the number one priority in this matter.

I have experienced office politics in three different environments, and I sadly must say, the one I am experiencing now is by far THE WORST. I am constantly demotivated because there is a clear “like” and “dislike” treatment between different people. What make it even worse, we (my colleagues and I) have been (and still are) explicitly being cornered, blamed, humiliated and also limited in all of our activities. Just because some people with power hate us (or our gut?). I have to constantly remind myself that it is INEVITABLE, and I have to deal with it. Still, there are days when I want to just go away and take some break from this upsetting situation.

“Don’t you have a way to handle this situation since you’ve been working quite long?”

Unfortunately, I learnt there is no silver bullet solution for this matter. Office politics is different in each company, and the level of destruction caused by it is also different. I found below image that shows some proposed steps in dealing with office politics. Not sure if it will work perfectly, but I think we can try some points to reduce the impact, somehow.

So, for all of you who also are experiencing bad office politics, GOOD LUCK and KEEP FIGHTING!

PS. Taking a deep breath and listening to a relaxing song can somehow release the tension, though temporarily.

Oh, and I also find this blog about office politics: https://www.ethicssage.com/2019/02/what-is-office-politics.html

Might give us some insight about this “animal”…