Honestly I was forgetting this blog for a while for a reason which I am trying to understand. Commonly I will remember to make an entry in beginning of June since it is my favorite month (I was born in June, of course…). However I completely forgot (or was too lazy?) to write down anything, including short stories which I planned to create regularly. I think I am currently in a “confused” state, even though I am not too sure what I am confused about.
I suspect this is somehow related to the fact that I just moved to different department in May. As mentioned in my previous post, I was not happy with my last job even though I got a promotion along with the position and responsibility. People could say that I was stupid and did not take the opportunity well, but I guess if someone has already not been happy with his or her current situation regardless the reason, it will be difficult to convince the person to believe that she or he needs to work on that and eventually she or he will be happy in the end of the road. Nope. It does not simply work like that.
Anyway, long story short, my former boss realized I was not happy since I was completely demotivated. Bad performance score. Another opportunity emerged for me to stay in the company in different function – in fact, it was my favorite function before. His comment which I clearly remember was, “This is your last chance. Make it or leave it.” Quite a statement for any employee who needs a job to pay his or her bills regularly, not to mention any active installment.
But here’s the thing: I was not afraid to leave the company back then. In fact, I was actively looking for a job and almost landed an interview with a good company (somehow they did not call me back, sigh), so my boss’ statement back then did not make me afraid. Sure, I still need the job because I haven’t got a new job yet, but I was at the point where I did not care if I was jobless for a while. Nevertheless, I think in the back of my head, I was genuinely concerned, though in the same time I was pissed off on the overall situation. That situation made me feel uncertain and unmotivated, and in the end becoming lazy to pursue my passion and my goal.
Two months waste of time. I wish I can turn back the time, but I cannot.
I need to be more stable and revisit my life plan. I guess this happens because no proper monitoring on my life plan in monthly basis. It is a hard learning, and I hope it will not be repeated in the future 😦