And somehow it is already June! *dance*
After having roller coaster months since the beginning of the year, I am finally getting some “me” time though very limited. In between moving from Jakarta to Surabaya, adjusting to new job and new office (which is quite far from Surabaya by the way), fitting myself to role of wife, I try to stop for a while and revisit my life plan. I think it is important to evaluate what has happened, things are still pending and new items that come up as part of my new family life. It has been an overwhelming yet satisfying experience so far (well duh, I have been married for one month only, haha!). I am excited to embark this new journey even further and achieve what Rendy (my hubby) and I have agreed to.
With this excitement, I am welcoming one of my favorite months ever: June! It is amazing to know that Ramadhan, the holy month for Muslims, falls in the month when I was born. I know it might sound lame, but for me, this situation is bringing wonderful feeling and positive vibe, hoping that in this month I can transform into better person, personally and religiously. It has been a while since I can connect to my inner self and also to Allah SWT properly, overruled by fast working and life rhythm in Jakarta. I am glad that I got this opportunity to move back to hometown which has more moderate pace compared to Jakarta.
So, Welcome June! Let’s get aboard! 🙂
…not that it is really important for you lol *sweat drop*
I really feel that January has passed way too fast. I have been juggling work related matters and wedding preparation since last December, and the fact that the time is getting closer does not make any help. It actually just makes me even more nervous, and in a sense questioning again if I am doing the right thing.
Oh, yes, did I forget to tell you? I am getting married.
*background sound of bells and wedding song*
*followed with a scream*
In one side I am happy that I finally found that someone who will be my partner and
take care of me for the rest of my life support each other for the rest of our life. In other side, I am a bit worried because it will change my lifestyle completely and of course, my prioritization. I need to revisit my life plan and adjust accordingly without changing too much my main essential goals inside of it.
Sometimes I am thinking that I might be moving a bit too fast – after all, he proposed me just last November. But I know for sure he loves me, and he will treat me very well. I guess it will be a turning point for both of us – adjusting ourselves to each other, and build a family as we plan. Please pray the best for both of us *bow*
As for work related, I am still waiting final confirmation on what will happen to me. With this change inside our organization, we have no other choice than to accept and embrace it with expectation that it will help us to go even further inside the company. I really like my department anyway, so I truly hope I will still be working on this department, at least for the next few years. Fingers crossed!
That’s all for now.
If you are guessing that I was born in June, then I need to treat you a coffee *lol*. I think it is not uncommon that some people like to celebrate their birthday, hence they tend to like their birth month. Yes, I am part of those people, because I like to remind myself on what I have achieved so I can be grateful about it, but more importantly, to also remember what I still need to improve, and what goals yet to reach.
Okay, maybe I make it a bit complicated than it should, but I can honestly say I love celebrating it because I can have fun with my beloved ones, and particularly enjoying yummy cakes with them.
Of course, without remembering the age part *lol*
When I think a bit longer about it, it seems my favoritism of June is just because I want to have a special time in my life to reflect back and to celebrate life. It is also a coincidence that some good things happened in the very same month. For example, my enrollment in this company, which was one of the best decisions I ever had. It was also in the same month when I started my assignment in Lausanne, Switzerland, and when my lovely nephew was born.
So how about this year?
Funny fact, Ramadhan, the holy month for me and other moslems is actually taking place in June. Ramadhan is a holy month where we are trying our best to prevent ourselves in doing bad things and be better persons. It is a time where you are given a chance to reflect upon yourself and to balance again your spiritual and non-spiritual life.
Having that said, I can happily say I am celebrating June and Ramadhan. Hope you will enjoy June as well! 😎
..and May is not even finished yet. We just had our budget meeting this week, and (as expected) we still have lot of homeworks to be done. Quarter two (of the year) has always been the busiest time, particularly because we try to project already what we are going to do next year.
Looking back at my days this month, somehow I get an impression that I might have not been working efficiently enough. It was ironic because back then, I was feeling overwhelmed because there were so many things to do and follow up.
What did I do wrong? Did I mess up my plan? Did I incorrectly assume that I did the right thing while in reality I should have done more?
All these questions now wavering around my mind and makes me gradually hating myself. The fact that I was hammered in our budget meeting last Thursday makes me even want to bury myself deep in the ground.
I hate it. I hate when I could not accomplish my goals. I hate when I could not perform well as I wanted. I hate when I am doing stupid things which jeopardize my plan, or even my future.
I hate it.
I hate myself now.
And that’s why I need to shake my head strongly exactly now to get rid this negative feeling. I need to bounce back. I am still sad and I am still disappointed at myself, but it should not be a reason not to go forward and do what I need to do.
I have to fix this situation, and I will.
You might be aware that I am interested in photography, even though lately I have not taken any picture at all *cough*. I started learning (entry level) photography around five years ago, and managed to save some money to buy a nice camera (which is still being used – Canon 60D). The difficulty to do it has always been my time management; it has been challenging to manage my working time, family and personal time. Yes, it is a lame excuse, but unfortunately that happened 🙂
So to push myself, I will start again something which I tried to do in the past: posting a picture (taken by me, of course) in weekly basis. No specific theme, but just random pictures following my mood or idea. I think this initiative will successfully make myself nervous and start hunting some more pictures to post!
This time I am posting some pictures of Turkish tulips in Emirgan park, Istanbul, Turkey. We were lucky that they bloomed right before we arrived in Turkey. The beauty of these flowers could make you sit for hours! For sure will visit it again in the future if I have the opportunity.
I rarely write when I feel down, sad or upset, but once in a while, I will have that urge to do it, just to make me feel better inside. Tonight, that urge was pushing pretty intense I decided to write something.
It is kind of funny though. I remember two years ago I had my kind-of-broken-heart after I realized that what I expected could not be reality. Fortunately, it was cured in relatively short time. I guess I was not into that person so much.. I think I was more disappointed rather than broken-hearted.
Two years later, I am experiencing the same thing.
I do not know if I indeed fell in love with this particular person, but I know I could not get him out of my mind since the first time I met him. It is not usual for me to think too much when I meet a new person even though I am attracted to him.
But this person…
He somehow makes me want to be a better person.
He somehow makes me want to learn more my religion and be a good moslem.
He somehow makes me want to learn many things, to ensure I have the same level of knowledge as his.
He somehow makes me want to push the boundaries, thinking about living outside Indonesia.
And when I knew he has someone else in his mind and heart, my heart was and is still aching.
So can you tell me, did I fall in love with this person?
…and as much as I hated to admit, I somehow predicted it would happen. I have been struggling to write something in monthly basis, added by the fact I was a bit “lost” in my work and life, seems it was no brainer that I would most likely fail. Sure, it sounded like a lame excuse, and maybe it was, for I could have turned back the table by making proper schedule and plan on my NaBloPoMo. In the end, I could only have twelve blog posts, the most I have ever had in a month.
I think in general, my lack of discipline became the main reason why I failed. I kept telling myself to write anything popped up in my head so I would mot miss a chance, but unfortunately, I only listed the topics and not continued to put it down as a writing. It did not take long before I forgot what I meant with that list of topics.
Another important thing which I thought also plays a role was also my unclear plan in tackling NaBloPoMo. Sure I got some tips and tricks in doing NaBloPoMo, but with no proper plan, I still faced difficulty in getting topic to write day by day. This was a bit embarassing for me as my job responsibility in the office related to planning, yet I could not perform it well in this simple matter.
Let me take a nap before I come up with a plan….
Overall, though I was disappointed on the result, I thought it was a good learning from my side. I pretty much figured out what I need to fix. The rest will be up to me to really do what I need to do. Lookig forward for this year NaBloPoMo!
*still crossing fingers*