I Am Still Alive!

These past couple of months have been quite tough for me. In a short: my life plan was pretty ruined. Okay, maybe “ruined” is a strong word… let’s just say it didn’t go as planned. If you recall my last entry on April (or June?), I mentioned about my plan on looking for new opportunity outside my company, to have a new start and focusing on what becomes my passion. In reality, I could not get that other opportunity outside the company, instead, I got somehow-an-opportunity still inside my company.

I have mixed feeling about my new role in Ag department. In one side, I am pretty excited since it is related to people, social matters and sustainability which I fond of. In other side, I have been having hard time with my supervisor and I don’t like the current management style.

After thinking for some time, I decided to give this role a try considering my interest and passion. In addition, I have good team mates which I could rely on and ask support from. It has been tough and I have been overwhelmed, but I tried my best to catch up lot of things at once. I get tired easily since I am pregnant (this will be another story), and the change of moods also doesn’t help with the overall situation. Even worse, my supervisor which I have been worrying about really shows his true color and slowly brings the team’s motivation down. There were points where I am not sure if I want to continue this job with this current situation.

I am really considering on what I should do next, as the realization of becoming a mom is sinking deeper and deeper in my brain. I know I can’t keep being stressed out and pressured in the office every single day if I want to be happy, if I want my family to be happy. I just hope I can get the answer fast for the sake of my family and me. Wish me luck.


What? Two Months Hiatus Already?

Honestly I was forgetting this blog for a while for a reason which I am trying to understand. Commonly I will remember to make an entry in beginning of June since it is my favorite month (I was born in June, of course…). However I completely forgot (or was too lazy?) to write down anything, including short stories which I planned to create regularly. I think I am currently in a “confused” state, even though I am not too sure what I am confused about.

I suspect this is somehow related to the fact that I just moved to different department in May. As mentioned in my previous post, I was not happy with my last job even though I got a promotion along with the position and responsibility. People could say that I was stupid and did not take the opportunity well, but I guess if someone has already not been happy with his or her current situation regardless the reason, it will be difficult to convince the person to believe that she or he needs to work on that and eventually she or he will be happy in the end of the road. Nope. It does not simply work like that.

Anyway, long story short, my former boss realized I was not happy since I was completely demotivated. Bad performance score. Another opportunity emerged for me to stay in the company in different function – in fact, it was my favorite function before. His comment which I clearly remember was, “This is your last chance. Make it or leave it.” Quite a statement for any employee who needs a job to pay his or her bills regularly, not to mention any active installment.

But here’s the thing: I was not afraid to leave the company back then. In fact, I was actively looking for a job and almost landed an interview with a good company (somehow they did not call me back, sigh), so my boss’ statement back then did not make me afraid. Sure, I still need the job because I haven’t got a new job yet, but I was at the point where I did not care if I was jobless for a while. Nevertheless, I think in the back of my head, I was genuinely concerned, though in the same time I was pissed off on the overall situation. That situation made me feel uncertain and unmotivated, and in the end becoming lazy to pursue my passion and my goal.

Two months waste of time. I wish I can turn back the time, but I cannot.

I need to be more stable and revisit my life plan. I guess this happens because no proper monitoring on my life plan in monthly basis. It is a hard learning, and I hope it will not be repeated in the future šŸ˜¦


I’m Back (Again)!

I just realized that I have been neglecting my blog for the last two months. Ugh. I promised myself to write more regularly but seems I still could not keep my promise. I guess it is my homework to somehow make it works; maybe having a writing schedule will help since I will be forced to write. Let’s see!

The last two months have been quite challenging for me, though it’s getting calmer nowadays. I have been considering a major decision I might take in my life, and in the end I have committed to do it, but unfortunately, I haven’t got the opportunity to do it yet. Now I am waiting for the opportunity to come, hopefully in the near future. I am just afraid as time goes by, I will lose my sight on this target, and get carried away with current life flow. Being in comfort zone could be as bad as not doing anything in your life. You get so used to it, you don’t even want to think if there is something wrong or need to be changed in order to achieve bigger target or objective in your life. It’s a bit shame, but just couple of months before, I did not think about leavingĀ comfort zone at all. I loved it, in fact, I was so afraid on what could happen if I dared to take the risk, regardless of what I might get if I take it instead.

Comfort Zone Quotes - A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but n

After revisited my life plan in January, I understand that I cannot stay longer in my comfort zone. Of course, I cannot just blindly change and leave the comfort zone without a plan. I still need to review properly things that I want to do and risks associated with it. As per today, I notice that my plan didn’t go smoothly as I expected. Therefore I need to think about another scenario which will be applicable for me. Still some homework needs to be done, but I am excited and nervous at the same time. Hopefully everything can goĀ well as per planned. Wish me luck šŸ™‚

That’s all for now. Will post review on Black Panther and Dilan 1990 in the next few days. Until then!



Hello Again, Life Plan!

Few weeks ago I finally met my dear friend who just moved back to Indonesia. We worked together in the same function when he was still in the company. In the beginning I had difficulty to understand him and, well, I was a bit afraid of him. He was (and has been) a very straightforward, perfectionist and really demanding person. Though it was quite overwhelming in the beginning, eventually he and I became good friends, and he often gave me some advices especially related to work.

When I thought that our reunion would be a nice, kind of funny meeting since we will remember our colleagues who already moved or retired, he (of course) turned the table around to me. Demandingly, he asked me about my Life Plan and how it progressed.

I was stunned. Honestly, even though I wrote few posts about revisiting my life plan, what I did really just considering a small part of the plan and included it in my to-do-list. Somehow I forgot that Life Plan is not as simple as a plan to buy new mobile phone or to go traveling during holiday break. I need to spend some time and put my energy in finalizing the plan because in the end, this Life Plan will help me to achieve my goals in life.

And thatā€™s the key word: my goal in life. My Life Goal.

What is actually things that I want to achieve?

What is my passion?

Am I living it now?

If I am not living with my passion now, do I plan something that will ensure I will be doing it in the future?

These questions popped out in my head when I opened again my ā€œdustyā€ Life Plan, and oh man, I was really nervous. I created that file three yours ago with the help of this friend of mine and it was with assumptions that I will achieve some of my milestones in one or two years. Means I should have achieved something in 2015 and 2016….which were in the past.

In short, I kind of wasting my two and half yearsā€™ time, letting myself carried away by the flow of life. I was a bit disappointed, but not too much, because I personally think the two years difference is still somehow okay-ish. Sure, I need to change my goals now and maybe speed up my efforts to still achieve some of my mid-term goals, but somehow I think that is still reasonable. Better late than never, thatā€™s what I keep telling myself.

So now, I have a big homework. Not only I have to revisit my Life Plan and fine-tune it based on my current condition, I need to also work with my hubby to have joint Life Plan since both of us are an item now. I am glad that Rendy (my hubby) got a chance to meet my friend and got some short induction about the concept of Life Plan. I think both of us agree that Life Plan is indeed important, and that we need to prepare one for our family moving forward.

Wish us luck! šŸ™‚


(Short) Birthday Reflection

So, as the title implies, today (June 17) is my birthday! šŸ™‚

My birthday

Yes, I am that kind of person who loves to celebrate my own birthday, as much as I love celebrating others. I know there is nothing really special about birthday, considering that you are, well, getting old (and maybe a bit wiser, lol). But at least for me, birthday is a time to have a quick stop (sometimes a bit too quick) and revisit again my life, to see what I have done, what goals I have achieved, and what other things I still want to accomplish in my life. It does not sounds as “heavy” as it is, really. It is more like a peek on my continuous life.

To start with, I can easily state that 2017 is a life-changing-year for me. I just got married about 1.5 months ago (yay!) with one of the nicest person I have ever known. It is huge for me because for the last couple of years, I have been dealing with my frustration on finding the right partner in life. When I thought that I would just go with the flow and kind of accepting whatever fate I would have, this major event came and change my life completely. (I will share story of my wedding preparation and our instant-love-story in separate post, just because I want to, hehe šŸ˜‰ ).

Not only in personal life, another change also happened in my professional life. I have been promoted to a higher position with a team of four. Simultaneously, I had to relocate from Jakarta to Sukorejo (Pandaan), East Java. When I first received the news from my bosses, I was having mixed feelings. I was happy because I have been moving forward steadily with my career path in the company (which is truly a bless!), plus I would go back to my hometown in Surabaya and live together with my husband. However this also meant I had to say goodbye to my old team and friends who will stay in Jakarta or move to another place. I had to leave my sister and her family as well, whom I have lived with for the last three years.

Changes are never easy, especially if it impacts your life significantly. These last six months have been quite challenging for me. In Q1, I was overwhelmed with all wedding preparation. I was very lucky that Rendy (my hubby) was actively supporting me by coordinating with the vendors and our families to ensure that the preparation went smoothly. While the wedding-stress was gradually decreasing, I gained another concern which was linked to my job: short transition process into my new role and responsibility. Everything had happened so fast, I barely had time to think if I had been doing all these changes properly, or if I should have done it differently to get better result.

In the end, I think I would say that, even though I could have done better in facing all these changes in the first six months of 2017, I managed to go through it pretty smoothly. I don’t think this would have happened without the support from my hubby, my families and friends. A new chapter of my life has just been starting, and going to have a long run in the future. I am excited, and looking forward to see how it goes (and experience it, of course!) together with my partner in life (and crime, lol). With that feeling, I will pause my reflection here, and continue in the next peek-on-my-life session. Until then!


Hello My Favorite Month!

And somehow it is already June! *dance*

After havingĀ roller coaster months since the beginning of the year, I am finally getting some “me”Ā time though very limited. In between moving from Jakarta to Surabaya, adjusting to new job and new office (which is quite far from Surabaya by the way), fitting myself toĀ role of wife, I tryĀ to stop for a while and revisit my life plan. I think it is importantĀ toĀ evaluate what has happened, thingsĀ are stillĀ pending and new items that come up as part of my new family life. It has been an overwhelming yet satisfying experience so far (well duh, I have been married for one month only, haha!). I am excited to embark this new journey even further and achieve what Rendy (my hubby) and I have agreed to.

With this excitement, I am welcoming one of my favorite months ever: June! It is amazing to know that Ramadhan, the holy month forĀ Muslims,Ā falls in the month when I was born. I know it might sound lame, but for me, this situation is bringing wonderful feeling and positive vibe, hoping that in this month IĀ can transform into better person, personally andĀ religiously. It has been a while since I can connect to my inner self and also to Allah SWT properly, overruled by fast working and life rhythm in Jakarta. I am glad that I got this opportunity to move back to hometown which has more moderate pace compared to Jakarta.

So, Welcome June! Let’s get aboard! šŸ™‚

Hello June!


Just a quick update about me…

ā€¦not that it is really important for you lol *sweat drop*


I really feel that January has passed way too fast. I have been juggling work related matters and wedding preparation since last December, and the fact that the time is getting closer does not make any help. It actually just makes me even more nervous, and in a sense questioning again if I am doing the right thing.

Oh, yes, did I forget to tell you? I am getting married.

*background sound of bells and wedding song*

*followed with a scream*

In one side I am happy that I finally found that someone who will be my partner and take care of me for the rest of my life support each other for the rest of our life. In other side, I am a bit worried because it will change my lifestyle completely and of course, my prioritization. I need to revisit my life plan and adjust accordingly without changing too much my main essential goals inside of it.

Sometimes I am thinking that I might be moving a bit too fast – after all, he proposed me just last November. But I know for sure he loves me, and he will treat me very well. I guess it will be a turning point for both of us – adjusting ourselves to each other, and build a family as we plan. Please pray the best for both of us *bow*

As for work related, I am still waiting final confirmation on what will happen to me. With this change inside our organization, we have no other choice than to accept and embrace it with expectation that it will help us to go even further inside the company. I really like my department anyway, so I truly hope I will still be working on this department, at least for the next few years. Fingers crossed!

That’s all for now.