I never thought it happened again, but I think I have been somehow demotivated for the last few months. I remember this similar feeling occured three years ago, when I was really overwhelmed with my job and my boss, and was thinking to resign from the company. Luckily, I got the opportunity to go outside the country and gained new experience while building up again my motivation, confidence and excitement to work and live life.
Feeling the same uncertainty in mind, I honestly am not sure whether it is really demotivation because of my work (and life?), or is it just me exaggerating things?
I would not lie that I was upset on some setup in the office, and particularly on the status quo which has been happening for a while. I sometimes do not understand how our management could “reward” their team members only based on something fancy outside, but not necessarily based on the core process. Here I thought we can not judge a book by its cover, but apparently covers were the ones matter thesedays.
It just pissed me off, and made me thought “Whatever, I’ll just go with the flow as I am not a pretender!”
But really, who am I kidding with?
I have been torturing myself by keeping this disappointment inside, but I do not know what to do. I am trying to think positive, but why lately it becomes so difficult? I become so lazy in taking care myself, and I hate it.
I hate myself.
I want to change. I have to change. And I will do it.