..and May is not even finished yet. We just had our budget meeting this week, and (as expected) we still have lot of homeworks to be done. Quarter two (of the year) has always been the busiest time, particularly because we try to project already what we are going to do next year.
Looking back at my days this month, somehow I get an impression that I might have not been working efficiently enough. It was ironic because back then, I was feeling overwhelmed because there were so many things to do and follow up.
What did I do wrong? Did I mess up my plan? Did I incorrectly assume that I did the right thing while in reality I should have done more?
All these questions now wavering around my mind and makes me gradually hating myself. The fact that I was hammered in our budget meeting last Thursday makes me even want to bury myself deep in the ground.
I hate it. I hate when I could not accomplish my goals. I hate when I could not perform well as I wanted. I hate when I am doing stupid things which jeopardize my plan, or even my future.
I hate it.
I hate myself now.
And that’s why I need to shake my head strongly exactly now to get rid this negative feeling. I need to bounce back. I am still sad and I am still disappointed at myself, but it should not be a reason not to go forward and do what I need to do.
I have to fix this situation, and I will.