Yesterday was one of those days. Days when I felt overwhelmed with works and absolutely under pressure. I always tried my best to maintain my composure properly when this situation happened. But sometimes, you had that one awful day when you slipped away from your path.
It just then happened. I somehow lost my control, which was surprising more for my colleagues rather than me, as they have never seen me like that. I was behaving rude to one of my colleagues (who happens to also be my friend), though I immediately regret it during the day. It might be an instinct for me to release my feeling to someone whom I familiar with, as it was easier for me to express myself to.
It was stupid and not professional, and the guilt was eating me inside seconds after I did it. He was consciously avoiding me all day, which I found reasonable, yet hurting me inside. So we talked.
His first feedback was, “Please keep being Niken, no matter how difficult the situation is, and would be in the future.”
And that hit me.
We hear all the time people said to their friends to always “be yourself”, but really, sometimes it is not that easy to do. This might come in different setup for each age group, for example, teenagers who could not express themselves fully because they are surrounded by environment which indirectly leads them to “be someone else you or your group want you to be”.
Working environment, which is totally a different animal compared to university, commonly has significant contribution on development of people character. It is a place where you are fully responsible on any decision you made and where you are expected to give your best performance, time to time. Of course, it will also depend on the company culture, department where we work, people around us and other variables.
In a working environment which is a bit more aggressive or political, adjusting ourselves to fit into it might be a bit tricky, as it might be something that we have never experienced before, or it is something that we are not really fond of. However, we need to fit in order to do our responsibilities smoothly. This, sometimes, might force us to behave not genuinely as we are.
Then it will be the time for us to realize, “Well, I don’t know being myself is this challenging!”
But it is. And as mentioned, this actually has been happening since we were teenagers, just continued in different setup and environment.
So does it mean we should not be ourselves? Of course not. We still need to be ourselves while doing our work and improve ourselves. What we need to do is then to always do our best to maintain our composure, and focusing on positive things to keep us being ourselves. Unless we really feel that we can’t be ourselves anymore in certain environment, then it is time for us to stop and find another place where we can fit in beautifully, as ourselves.
So be yourself, even though you are not superman.