If our heart is a radio…

..I imagine it must be so convenient as we can easily change the frequency to any station we want. Trapped in a bad traffic jam in Jakarta? Just switch the heart to station “cooling down” and we will not waste our time and energy to curse other cars in front of us (which actually in the same boat like us, by the way). Bored with your works and have no plan in the weekend? Let’s pick station “happy time” and I will not surprise if we already at karaoke place and sing our favorite songs.

Sure, the examples might sound lame, however my point is : if only we can easily adjust our heart, how wonderful it would be.

Well, maybe that is not the case for everyone, but for the time being I really hope that could be the case for me.

It’s always confusing for me to try understanding how my heart works. Of course you can guess already that this statement most likely referring to one classical problem which everyone has: feeling of care or love.

I always consider myself as an affectionate person though maybe the level of affection which I give to each person might be different. There are some people who are special for me who of course have special place in my heart. The portion of attention, caring and love which I will share with them will be more intense compared to other people. Something that I consider as reasonable, as it is a logical thing which everyone does.

The only problem I have is the fact that I could unfortunately share my affection to someone in a wrong level. I hate to acknowledge it, but I did it already, and I am doing it again. It’s not like I am saying this particular person does not deserve it, in reality I do really care about him. However the expectation which I have does not entirely make sense, so it is kind of difficult to tell my heart that what I have been doing is a bit silly and I should readjust my level of affection.

If only my heart is a radio, it would be so easy.

But apparently it is not.

I kept telling myself, even this person also told me that we don’t need to make things complicated and really, it actually depends on how we put ourselves and react accordingly.

Well, it’s easy for him because he is a man. Men does not necessarily use their heart when they are dealing with some problems. While as a woman, I tend to do so. This sometimes makes me crazy as I realize that I am acting stupid but I can’t help it. In other hand, I know the softness of our heart is the one that effectively bring people closer and make them comfortable around us.

As a result, I can be either angry to that person, or to myself. The first option is way easier because we can say that they took our heart but never returned it again. The second one is a bit more depressing because you will start blaming yourself for doing such a thing, and most of the times it’s not that we were bad. It’s just how the way we are as women.

The best option is just to let it go, and back to the start, where everything was on the right level – the beginner level of affection and love. Only then our heart will feel at ease, which will be the case for the other party.

That is what I am trying to do, so I don’t need to be angry to that person, and also to myself. I want to release my heart so it would come back to the original status before being corrupted by this person.

If only it is that easy. If only our heart is a radio.

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