Have you ever felt insecure due to something? The root cause might be different for each person, but I believe everyone has experienced that feeling at least once. As a student many years ago, I always felt insecure for my grade particularly in the end of semester. High expectation from my parents made me felt guilty for not giving my best in doing all the tasks and exams though in other side I just wanted to enjoy my time without worrying about grades or other people’s judgement. As a result, I often got a stomachache since I thought so much, my stomach could not handle it.
When I first had a job and got in touch with “real world” and “unique” boss, I was not comfortable enough to believe in and enjoy my job. I had some unhappy experiences with my boss and in the end, I didn’t feel I could rely on my job and thought I could be dismissed any time since I did not my job well and I had an issue with my boss. There were some time where I imagined myself to be called to HR’s room just to receive their sad look and a ‘thank you for all your work this time’ letter. Sure, it did not happen and I exaggerated a bit, but still, the insecure feeling was there.
Here I am, in my current company, having experienced two incredible working years and now feeling insecure about my performance this year. The level of insecurity might have been decreased, but it is still there. And if you realize, it is always related with my performance, either in school or work. Does it mean I am a workaholic with a very high expectation on myself? Maybe. Or maybe I just don’t like to give something as an “optimal” if I know I can give “exceptional” (still sound the same with first statement, but anyway….).
Another thing that currently makes me insecure in regular basis is my current single status without a life partner yet. You may notice that I already raised this issue so many times, I reach a point where I don’t feel like I want to bring it up again to my post. Not to say it’s not important, IT IS especially if you are a lady in Asian countries where still being single at certain age considered as “taboo”. I just hope people could sometimes understand that it’s not because we don’t want to find the right partner or we enjoy too much our independency (no one will ever believe that), it’s just we’re not lucky enough. I am still optimistic that I will find the right partner, hopefully sooner than I thought. Wish me luck 🙂